Welcome to “Ask Chazz,” where I answer questions about anything and everything related to the 4th Stage. This week’s question: “Is a Friends with Benefits (FWB) arrangement really possible?”
I’m pretty sure most of us have thought about an FWB arrangement. Whether with a woman we know, or one we want to know, we’ve all fantasized about how perfect it would be: no strings, emotional attachment, or commitment. Just two, sexually compatible friends satisfying each other’s physical needs. But is it really possible? Can a man and a woman just be friends in a non-romantic, sexual relationship?
After spending WAY more time on this question than is probably necessary (which, of course, is my MO), I believe the simple answer is: ” YES, but…”
Allow me to explain:
There are basically 3 scenarios within which an FWB arrangement can occur*:
- You and a female are friends who’ve been in romantic relationships with others, but are both NOW free,
- You and a female are NOT in romantic relationships with others, and are friends,
- You and a female “hook up” (Stage’s 1-3 @ light speed) and then become friends.
* While most FWB arrangements fall within one of these scenarios, there may be others. (Please let me know if I’ve missed one..or two…or…)
So if any one of these scenarios leads to an FWB arrangement, how long can it last?
Answer: “Until one of the friends becomes either disinterested or wants more (i.e., a romantic relationship).”
And while the end of an FWB arrangement is inevitable, “how” it ends may be as much a consideration as “how long” it could last. For example, if the friendship is important to you, know that the end of your FWB arrangement will more than likely end the friendship. Think about it, if one person tells the other that they are no longer interested in continuing the relationship, or worse yet, their romantic intentions are rebuffed, the relationship – in any form – is done. As for how long the relationship can last? My best guess is anywhere between 1 and 6 months…maybe.
Bottom line: If the opportunity to have an FWB arrangement presents itself, PLEASE jump in! I mean, what’s the worst that can happen – you lose a female friend? Hmmm…
Remember what Harry told Sally: “Men and women CAN’T be friends!”
Life is way too short to waste time not being happy!
Chazz
Ah indeed. Sex is dangerous for lots of reasons, but mostly there IS an emotional impact no matter how cold a fish you happen to be. Inevitably someone “feels” more than the other, and if there is no real commitment – someone will “feel” hurt – eventually.
TW – Honesty is the key to happiness in a male/female relationship – for both people. In an FWB arrangement, it’s CRITICAL. The entanglement of emotion and sex can lead to unintended consequences – especially if one person is affected more than the other. As in ALL relationships – casual, FWB, romantic, etc. – being honest with yourself AND the other person is THE qualifying factor. While not always easy (it’s hard to tell someone you are not happy), it’s absolutely necessary. That’s why The 4th Stage was created: to help you effectively deal with the confusing world of women and relationships. Life is way too short to waste time NOT being happy! Chazz
You asked for other FWB scenarios. Leave it to Seinfeld to come up with a great one. Dating a prisoner. It’s brilliant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3s_tgXrcl8
Alas even this seemingly perfect scenario eventually comes to an end.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDZk1TXRRto
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