4th Stage “War Stories”

The $3,500 “Thank You” Dinner by GR

(Names and places have been changed to protect – ME)

When I was married, my wife Heidi LOVED to spend money! It was a constant, on-going, and painful issue. (…serenity now…serenity now…) So, to maintain a level of relative peace in our relationship, I usually made sure there was enough money in her account so she could do what she wanted – and leave me alone.

Heidi also loved to hob-nob with the upper crust of society and had friends in high places; celebrities, politicians, business and pro sports execs, etc.

One of Heidi’s friends, Jane, was the wife of Tom, an NBA team executive. For Heidi’s birthday, Jane invited us to a game – on Heidi’s birthday! Awesome, right? Before the game, we were invited to the owner’s suite for cocktails, and we had first row floor seating ‘directly behind the players bench!’ Wow! Compared to what I had planned for her birthday – dinner at her favorite restaurant and a shiny gift – this was amazing! AND it gets better – for HER!

When the game ended, I asked Heidi if she still wanted to go out to eat? Before she could answer, Jane heard my question and chimed in, “why don’t we all go to our favorite restaurant for dinner?” Heidi looked at me and said, “that sounds great, let’s go!” What could I say? So we went.

As we were leaving the arena (through a private exit, of course), Heidi was holding my arm and being soft and very sexy (A tactic she used often to get what she wanted – I was such an idiot!). She leaned closer and said, “As a thank you to Jane and Tom, let’s treat them to dinner. It’s the least we can do for such a great birthday.” Ugh! “OK,” I said. 

I thought, “now I’m paying for four of us, AND I have no idea how expensive this place is.”

We followed Jane and her husband downtown, and ended up in the business district, which seemed odd as I wasn’t aware of any restaurants nearby. We turned into a private garage under one of the tallest buildings in the city, parked the car, and then rode to the top floor in an elevator that required a code to open the doors.

When the doors opened, we were met by a tuxedo-wearing maitre d’ who greeted Jane and Tom by name. We were then led to “Jane & Tom’s Table” where two more couples were already seated. I thought to myself, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

Introductions were made, chit chat ensued, and I learned that the restaurant was actually a private club (very exclusive) with a limited membership. And then it happened – one of those dreaded moments when you’re not sure that what you just heard, you actually heard. Like being in a bad dream, I heard Heidi say, “we (meaning “ME”) want this to be our treat!” They all politely objected, but it was too late. “We insist!” she said. And then there were eight…

Of course, there were no menus – or prices. The food and drink options were verbally offered by our server: drinks, appetizers, wine, main courses, more wine, desserts, after-dinner drinks…and on and on it went. Like a ‘death by a thousand cuts,’ my bank account was dying every time our server came to the table.

Two hours later, after all were satiated, the moment arrived: the presentation of the bill – TO ME!

I opened the bill and felt like throwing up!

• 8 Appetizers $220
• 14 Cocktails $180
• 8 Salads  $110
• 8 Entrees $950
• 5 Bottles Wine $1,150
• 8 Deserts $185
• 5 Cognac $120
• 5 Brandi $105
• Gratuity $480
• Total = $3,500

Of course, Heidi was oblivious to my reaction. After all, It was her birthday and (in her tiny brain) she was a super star. Every one at the table (she believed) admired her and wanted to be her best friend. But as we all know, the last thing they were thinking about was Heidi. They had just enjoyed a delicious FREE meal and were ready to go home.

We said our good bye’s and drove home. During the drive, all I’m thinking about is the huge dent this stupid “Thank You” dinner made in my bank account. I mean, WTF! I could have played a few rounds at Pebble Beach; heli-skied in Revelstoke, or bought a jet ski for what I spent.

So, what did Heidi have to say? “That was so much fun! I really like all of our new friends, and can’t wait to do this again!” Yeah, good luck with that.

Thankfully, that was the last time I saw any of those people. But, it would take a few more years before the Heidi chapter was closed.

GR