Knowing what you DON’T want in a woman!

In the beginning, it’s ALWAYS great! The flirting (S1), the kissing/heavy petting (S2), the SEX (S3)…mmmmmm, so good…

…and then we enter – let’s say it together – “Stage 4: THE AFTER!”

In my article, “The 4 Stages of a Relationship” I describe the 4 Stages and how 1-3 are fun, exciting, new, sexy, etc. I also talk about how, in the beginning of Stage 4, “the reoccurence of Stage 3 can continue for a period of time, but don’t be fooled into believing it’s going to go on indefinitely.” That being said, by all means jump back into the bliss of Stage 3 as long and often as you can! Just be aware that everything that made Stage’s 1-3 great, will fade away in Stage 4. Now, that doesn’t mean your AFTER won’t be great. After all, I’ve known couples in long-term relationships who are happy. What I’m saying is, this initial period of your 4th Stage is critical because it establishes the context of your relationship; the roles, rules, and conditions you both abide by. And you need to make sure – through conscious effort – that your context enables you to derive the maximum benefit from your 4th Stage.

So, why focus on what you don’t want in a woman? Because even if Stage’s 1-3 were amazing, and you (want to) believe the woman is perfect, I promise you there are chinks in her armor. And the truth is, you know it too – but the sex is so good, you ignore it, and/or don’t care. This is totally understandable, because we’ve all been there. But the reality is, you’re putting off the inevitable.

In my experience, knowing what I don’t want in a woman is much simpler than trying to identify everything that I want. If you think about it, probably every woman you meet has something new to offer – that might add to your “what I want in a woman” list. This is what makes Stage’s 1-3 so fresh and exciting. A woman’s mystery factor increases your desire to know more about her. In the early stages, you pay attention to what she says and does. And the sex is amazing! Trying to add things to the list beyond basic wants (she’s attractive, sexually compatible, available, etc) is unnecessary. Just enjoy this time with her; she may surprise you. However, if she does or says something that bothers you, make sure you take note. Because if it’s not on your “don’t want” list, you may want to add it.

Here are some basic categories to use for your “don’t want” list:

• Lifestyle Compatibility – How similar/dissimilar is her lifestyle?
  
• Intellectual Compatibility – It’s either there or it’s NOT.
  
• Sexual Compatibility – Self explanatory.
  
• Perspective – Is her glass half full or half empty?
  
• Emotional Attachment to THINGS – Does she care too much about inanimate objects?
• Need for Drama – Self explanatory.
• Sense of Humor – Self explanatory.
  
• Happiness Factor – Is she generally happy?

Obviously, this is a short list that could, based on your experience, easily be 3 or 4 times longer. But it’s a starting point. The idea is to get you thinking about the things you absolutely want in a woman, AND the things you don’t. 

One last thought: the best time to think about your list is preferably before you get to far into Stage 4. Why? Because the longer you avoid dealing with the “don’t wants” in a woman, your 4th Stage will get worse, way worse! Please believe me – I’ve been there.

Life is way too short to waste time not being happy!

Chazz